They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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