I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
