I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
