I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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