I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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