Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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