I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
