Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
