We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
