how can u be prego again
no, he came in my armpit
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
