I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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