Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
