My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
