sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
