There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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