Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
