I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
