omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
