That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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