I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize