I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
