When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize