I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
