Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I understand Curling. That high.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
