i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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