These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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