i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
