if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
