Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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