I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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