i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
