I wish I only lived at night.
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
