My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
