I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
