if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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