I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
