I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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