We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
