Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
