doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
