Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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