dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize