Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
