the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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