Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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