pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
