I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
