super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
