everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
