Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
