new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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