we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
