I wanna bring you to show and tell
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
