That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
