I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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