Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
