Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
