I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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