I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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