Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
