I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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