Don't make out with my wife yet
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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