I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
