Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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