i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
