it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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