I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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