And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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