Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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